Monthly Archives: March 2014

A bit of spamology…

Author: | Category: General, Humour | Tags: , ,

Spam comes in all kinds and flavours… And it falls regularly into our email boxes promising various things. But one thing common to all spam is that they all seek to deceive us. And it is up to us to protect ourselves from such deceit, which is not all that difficult. While recognising the nuisance they are, I have often been amused by the ingenuity of many spammers.

By and large, the spam business is founded on the concept that human beings are evil by nature. And the spammers are counting on the fact that people will be tempted to act by their greed, even when there is cause for suspicion.

Outside of the phishing scams, job offers, pharmacy pitches, offers of loans and the straight forward ones that tell you to open the attachment, you can put most spam into certain categories.

The pious lady who has millions to distribute to the poor and is asking you – a perfect stranger – to take charge of their millions and use for charity as you see fit. Here it is abundantly clear that the person is counting on you to jump at the chance of getting your hands on someone else’s money. And the later request for some immediate cash from you towards setup expenses will surely follow. But even then, your greed for the unearned millions is expected to blind your judgement.

Then there is the bank officer who has boat loads of money under his control. Either one of his account holders died without leaving an heir or the heirs can’t be traced. And he has identified you as the one person who can pose as the heir and claim the money. Of course, to be divided between the two of you later. You are counted on to be tempted by the free millions, despite the danger of going to jail for impersonation!

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And people with all kinds of schemes for getting money out of Iraq/ Syria/ wherever… all zeroing on you for assistance. And very often they will have links to real news reports lending an appearance of authenticity to the emails.

Very common are the ones that announce that your email has won a huge amount of money in a Coca Cola/ Toyota/ whatever lottery. All you need to do is complete the form so that the money can be transferred to your bank account. Of course, we all know what is going to happen to your account once the email is responded to.

If you had any doubts about the smartness of the spammers, just take a look at this…

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Compensation for spam victims! 🙂

And don’t forget the damsel in distress, the young beautiful girl, whose parents passed away leaving her all their savings. Now, she is looking towards you to take care of her and her millions. Here the appeal is not only to your greed…

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There are other damsels too, who write to you addressing you as dearest or darling, because they saw your email on a search and want to make you their special friend. And the first thing they promise is to send you their pictures as soon as you respond to them. 🙂

Not forgetting the ones that promise to expand your various body parts, with scant attention to whether you are male or female. And most days you are bound to get both varieties!

Look at this… this guy is releasing the first instalment of my inheritance funds to the tune of one million to me! Can anyone blame him if he asks for some small change – compared to the millions I’m going to get – just to make the arrangements, as he is sure to do? And the blank ‘To’ field indicates that this email was addressed to thousands of people at the same time!

 

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Have you ever really lol-ed at a piece of spam? Read this and tell me… could you stop laughing?

 

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I had to explain to my colleagues why I was laughing… And now anyone has just to mention pink crocs for laughter to break out!

~Ria

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13 Mar 2014

Air travel… then and now

Author: | Category: Travel | Tags: , ,

I love long distance plane travel… This might be hard for many to fathom. And they do have some valid points too. The narrow seats with hardly any leg room, almost inedible meals, the long hours spent going through security… all true. But for me, these are all minor matters. Especially when compared with the luxury of the exclusive time I get to spend without any outside interference. Totally personal time that no one can encroach upon. Beyond the reach of cell phones, conference calls, and business meetings… And beyond the call of pending household chores, which have a way of bothering me even when I have no intention of getting onto them! 🙂
 
Me and my book, curled up in the window seat… and my mind wandered to a long gone era of luxurious airline travel…
 
The jetliners that started flying in the late 1950s changed the scene of commercial air travel. The flight time from New York to London was promised to be a mere six and a half hours in 1958, as opposed to the 17 hours 40 minutes in 1946 and 10 hr 50 minutes in 1956!
 
This Pan Am commercial from 1954 features the prototype of the Boeing 707 jet clipper that started commercial flying in 1958.
 
Suddenly, air travel became a doable thing. And the airlines of the day came out with fabulous commercials to persuade the public to use the new means of travel. The TV commercials of Pan Am and TWA are full of champagne, fine food and perfect service.
 
Take a look at this TWA commercial… a flight from the east coast to Los Angeles.
 
In addition to all luxuries, it even promises pleasant company. “Everybody nice and friendly, like we knew each other.” And maybe to prove how air travel brings out the best in everyone, it even has a kinda fairy tale ending with… no, I don’t want to spoil it for you, do watch the video. 🙂
 
Air travel apparently was an occasion, an event, with people dressing up in their best finery as if they were going for a party. In fact, the commercials exude a true party atmosphere with everyone smiling and laughing and circulating with glasses in their hands. Having lots of fun. It seemed like it was more about living high, than getting from place to place. And today’s air traveller is left wondering whether it is all indeed happening within an airplane…
 
And the food… white tablecloth, silver trays, hors d’oeuvres… even the dinner was served off a silver cart, on china, with designer flatware and linen. And the meals came piping hot from full-fledged kitchens, complete with freezers and convection ovens.
 
And get this… the early jets had lounges with huge windows, sprawling seats, and buffets, where coach passengers could socialise. Some of the flights even had actual film projectors to replicate the movie theatre experience. Even when the lounges were removed in 1973/74 to accommodate more seats, portable service bars were provided in an attempt to retain the freedom of movement. Sigh… gone are the days…
 
And the rest rooms… nothing like the teeny little spaces where you are bound to hit your head somewhere unless you are a hobbit… Separate lounges for men and women, women’s lounges with vanity tables and settees and large mirrors.
 
When looking at these old time commercials, what impresses me above everything is the space… the abundance of it. The seats were fabulously wide with legroom unimaginable today, and one could move around between seats as seat belts were optional in those days!
 
Of course, air travel those days was only for the privileged few as the cost was astronomical and beyond the reach of the average Joe. Now, it has become more affordable. And with the competition among the airlines for your dime, it could get even cheaper. More so, if you are willing to forego comforts (basics?) like an assigned seat or a bathroom… that is, if you go by the plans put out by some of the airlines… 😉
 
P.S. Did you know that during the early years of air travel all stewardesses had to be certified nurses?
 

~Ria

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10 Mar 2014

41 Days of Summer…

Author: | Category: Travel

… right in the middle of the worst winter in the last 20 years! That is a true luxury, especially for a person like me who starts shivering at the first hint of a cold breeze. Add to it awesome spicy food of a wide variety… that too, without a single day’s toil in the kitchen… Now you know why I am constantly smiling these days! 🙂
 
This was a work combined with vacation trip. The swanky new office in a brand new technopolis near HAL in Bangalore was very impressive with naturescapes and waterfalls all around. The moment I started snapping some pictures, one of the security personnel at the the entrance came running… “Ma’am, no photos please…” “Not even of the flowers in the garden?” “No Ma’am, all photography is prohibited”. I really laughed out loud… it was no use telling it to the security man, but I had to say it… “this is the number one news and photo agency in the whole world, and we ban photography on our own premises? Interesting!”
 

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Stolen photo of flowers 🙂

The whole trip has been a continuum of good food; some great, some really great. It is difficult to pick favourites from the lot, but standing out in my memory are the traditional thaali meal at Rajdhani, a taste of Goa at Fishermen’s Wharf, Manglorean food at Parika, Mediterranean at Byblos, Tex-Mex at Habanero, Mughlai at Umerkot…
 
Amazing among the places I managed to visit during this trip are Ranganthittu bird sanctuary, about 75 miles from Bangalore, and the fishing port at Beypore, Kerala. More about them later.
 

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Ancient tree by the roadside

And the drive through the Western Ghats (9 hairpin turns!) will never lose its charm. Though the waterfalls were not very active despite the bountiful monsoons, the view of the mist clad mountains and valleys was as enchanting as ever.
 
And yeah, I got to eat sweet jackfruit, one of my favourite fruits ever! Though it was early in the season, I found a fruit seller on the road side selling it, and grabbed some. Delicious!
 
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Sooo… tonight I get on the plane to go back home. The last punch of winter is waiting for me, I know. Remember, some of the heaviest winter storms in the past have been in March. It will be great to have a taste of true winter knowing that it won’t last too long and that spring is right around the corner. After all, how will we appreciate summer if there is no winter? 😉
 
Just remembered, daylight saving time will become effective the day I land at Newark Liberty! I can get acclimatised to the new time and get out of jet lag at one go! 🙂

~Ria

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06 Mar 2014

Old old times… a jackfruit tree

Author: | Category: General | Tags: ,

In the old old times, itinerant mattress makers used to travel from village to village offering their services. They will come to a village, camp on the outskirts, and go to the houses which had silk cotton trees growing in their compound. If the family wanted a mattress made, they will take the accumulated cotton pods, usually stored in huge gunny sacks, and make the mattress for them. They will extract the cotton from the pods, clean out the seeds and other impurities, beat it in the sun till fluffy, and stitch the mattress with a cloth cover. Often with a striped pattern. Have you ever slept on a freshly made cotton mattress? Lovely indeed!
 
So, just like that, one evening a group of three mattress makers came to this village too. They had to cross a river to get to the village. It was dusk by the time they arrived at the river. And lo and behold, the river was in spate. It was getting dark fast and they had to reach shelter before nightfall. Without many options, they decided to brave the fury of the river. After all, weren’t they all good swimmers?
 
Alas! As they got the towards the middle of the river, the swirls and eddies started pulling them down. However valiantly they fought, the men kept sinking towards the bottom of the river. And lost consciousness…
Till they woke up, lying on a lovely green meadow… alive with birdsong and a gentle breeze. Just like in a fairy tale. They looked at each other in amazement… is this a dream? Did they all die and get to some alien place? However the pangs of hunger scratching their stomachs assured them that they were very much alive. And they started looking around the deserted place.
 
Walking along, they saw a group of people far away, sitting around and eating something. As they got closer, they got the strong smell of ripe jackfruit. And there was enough water in their mouths to steer a boat…
 
The three men approached the group and asked them for some of the jackfruit. The group was reluctant to share any of it. But hunger prompted the mattress makers to keep begging, and finally the group’s leader spoke up, “This is a celestial variety of jackfruit, not seen on human earth. If we give you some, you have to promise not to take any of it with you.” The mattress makers willingly promised and were given some of the fruit.
 
When they tasted the fruit, there was no doubt about the veracity of the group leader’s statement. They had eaten many a jackfruit, but nothing anywhere near this. This was pure nectar, absolute ambrosia. And there rose in the mind of the youngest among them, the insatiable desire to take a seed of the jackfruit back home. How to manage that with so many eyes keeping watch? On the pretext of scratching himself, he turned around and managed to quickly secret a seed in his underwear. With beating heart, he finished eating his jackfruit.
 
Once all the jackfruit was eaten, the group leader collected all the seeds – except of course, the one secreted away by our man – and led the mattress makers away, to the side of a small stream. He told them to close their eyes and wade into the stream. They did so and when they opened their eyes, they were walking on to banks of the familiar river! There was no end to their joy when they realised that they were back on earth safe and sound.
 
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The jackfruit tree that grew out of that smuggled seed was a giant of a tree indeed! The fruits that it produced in abundance were so sweet and tasty that the tree’s fame spread throughout the region. Legend has it that when the ruler of the local kingdom was passing through the village, he sent one of his servants to fetch one of the famed jackfruits.
 
Eventually, my paternal great great grandfather bought the land on which stood the jackfruit tree. (I would like to believe that the presence of the tree had influenced his decision!) The jackfruit tree continues to thrive to this day with fruits hanging top to bottom during the early summer.
 
All of us children in the family have heard this story growing up. And I swear, I do believe each and every word of it too! 😉

~Ria

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03 Mar 2014